Tonight’s WWE Fatal Four Way Pay-Per-View is brought to you by the letter F, the letter A, the letter I, and the letter L. What do those letters spell? F.A.I.L.
Five whole matches on PPV. Mind you, three of them are four-way matches and they’re all title matches, but really, five whole matches? That’s the best you can do? Are you going to wing it for the rest of the card?
I guess five matches is enough for them to fit in the NXT invasion bits, which is the origin of our four letters today. I mean, seriously; Bryan Danielson or no Bryan Danielson, WWE had a goldmine with this thing and not even a week later, in the first segment no less, they fucked it up. They’re going to need to do something BIG in order to recover from that.
But enough about FAIL. Let’s talk about the PPV and discuss the matches:
Fatal-Four Way Match for the WWE Divas Championship
Eve (champion) vs. Maryse vs. Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox
The good news: apparently I care enough about the match that I actually spelled out the names of the participants as opposed to my usual schtick. The bad news: I don’t care enough to actually pick a winner with any interest. So I’m just going to do so randomly…
Win: Alicia Fox… new Champ (0-1)
WWE United States Championship
Miz (champion) vs. R-Truth
I don’t see Miz dropping the belt back… forget it. Did I say R-Truth? I said Miz.
Win: Miz (1-1)
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Kofi Kingston (champion) vs. Drew Whatshisface
Kofi retains. That is all.
Pick: Kofi (2-1)
Fatal-Four-Way for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Jack Swagger (champion) vs. Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk
My two cents are on Punk to grab the belt. I certainly don’t expect Swagger to retain.
Pick: CM Punk
Pick: Rey Mysterio… NEW Champ (2-2)
Fatal-Four Way for the WWE Championship
John Cena (champion) vs. three guys who don’t matter
Yeah, as if you need to guess.
Pick: John Cena
Pick: Sheamus… NEW CHAMP! (2-3)
In other noos, Evan Bourne beat Chris Jericho and Harts beat Usos. Also, Bret Hart is apparently written out.