Before I begin, I would just like to mention that the final scene with RVD bloodied on the floor is just about the most Hardcore thing to happen in what was otherwise a fine TNA program. Hell, if this was the PPV and I was in a position to buy PPVs, I’d buy this one rather than Hardcore Justice.
Speaking of PPVs I’d be willing to buy, here comes Summerslam and despite the one Divas match on the card, it’s shaping up to be one fine PPV event with a number of intriguing match-ups and a real potential for new stars to break through, which is always a wonderful thing to witness. But enough of that. Let’s get to the picks:
“Pointless” Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs Kofi Kingston
For those not in the know regarding Smackdown, Dolph Zigger defeated Kofi Kingston for the IC title on a recent episode of Smackdown rather than wait until the PPV to make the change. Probably would have meant more if it had happened on the PPV and chances are gives some people no incentive to care about this match now that it was given away on free TV. With all that said, I have a feeling that Dolph will somehow retain the title here (through some shenanigans most likely) and Kofi moves on to bigger and better things. But hey, they’re pushing fresh talent, so I can’t complain.
Pick: Dolph Ziggler retains
Winner: No contest due to Nexus Interference. However, Dolph retains title as a result so… (1-0)
“Piss Break” Match for the WWE Diva’s Championship
Alicia Fox (c) vs Melina
Um… yeah, Melina? Glad to have you back and I’m relieved that you’re doing fine, but even your presence as the only Diva capable of working a good match won’t make me give a rat’s ass about a match featuring Alicia Fox.
Pick: I go to the bathroom and take a piss.
Winner: I took a dump, no piss. (1-1)… Oh yeah, Melina wins the title.
(2015 Update: Is this WWE Diva Cameron’s favorite match of all time?)
“Three-On-One Overcoming The Odds” Match
The Straight Edge Society vs The Big Show
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Big Show is going to win this one, because he’s big. And if there was ever a time to make him seem like an imposing force for CM Punk to topple somewhere down the line, this would be it.
Pick: Big Show
Winner: Big Show (2-1)
“Royal Rumble Rematch” for the WWE Championship
Sheamus (c) vs Randy Orton
Again, not much to say on this one; I’ve seen this at the Royal Rumble. People are saying Orton might win this one, but again, going out on a limb and saying that Sheamus will likely retain. He’s doing fine as champion, so why kill him off quickly? As a bonus, Miz tries to cash in and is once again prevented from doing so through some wacky means.
Winner: Randy Orton via DQ due Sheamus being a dick. However, Sheamus retains so… (3-1)
“Holy Shit! Kane’s a World Champion Again?!” Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Kane (c) vs Rey Mysterio
Not much to say about this one; Kane retains and we continue the stupid “Undertaker’s vegetables” storyline and its predictable outcome that even a 3-year-old blind baby can see coming miles away. However, the storyline gives way to Kane’s best reign as a World champion anywhere… no, I’m not counting Kane’s stint as ECW Champion.
Winner: Kane retains, Taker returns, Kane attacks Taker. (4-1)
“Seven on Cena, Some Old Guy, and Five Other Guys Who Don’t Really Matter” Elimination Match
John Cena, John Morrison, Chris Jericho, Edge, Bret Hart (ugh), R-Truth and Daniel Bryan Danielson vs The Nexus
Nexus has to win this one. Some people are most likely fed up with this, but the Nexus storyline, for all of my personal issues with its handling, is one of RAW’s strongest storylines in recent memory. Having Cena’s team dominate and win is likely to kill off Nexus as a viable threat. So Nexus, as predictable as it may sound, wins the match. As to the manner in which they get the win… well, I’ll leave that open. As to the mystery partner, watch it be the Brooklyn Brawler so that he can be featured on a DVD special somewhere down the line or something. As for Bret Hart’s participation… he’ll walk off and settle back in retirement. Hopefully.
Winner: John Cena overcame the Odds, Daniel Bryanson returns, R.I.P. Nexus (4-2)
And that’s a wrap.