Well, two weeks after their incredibly “okay” Night of Champions PPV, World Wrestling Entertainment presents its first of two October PPVs, Hell In A Cell. Are you one of the lucky suckers… er, I mean, customers who paid fifty to sixty bucks on a PPV comprising a whole FIVE MATCHES? Boy, that’s a real bang for your buck. No wonder people aren’t forking over their hard-earned money to buy WWE Pay-Per-Views.
Anyways… let’s get to the goods.
Unified Divas Championship Match
Michelle McCool (c) vs. Natalya
Uh-huh… yeah. I’m going to remotely care about this match because… what? Anvil’s kid is in it? When was the last time she actually wrestled in a match? And I’m being serious here, not just snarky. I don’t recall the last time Natalya had been in a match since before the whole Hart Dynasty cycle. Nothing against Nattie – she’s one of the few Divas that happens to be a competent wrestler – but I don’t think a handful matches is worthy credentials of holding the title… On the other hand, this is the most you’re going to get from me as far as Divas matches go, so…
Winner: Natalya via DQ, however McCool retains as a result so… (1-0)
Thoughts: Dumb finish, boring match. And then you wonder why I usually skip the Diva matches.
Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match for the United States Championship
Daniel Bryan Danielson (c) vs. The Miz vs. John Morrison
Interesting concept – a three-way submissions match that isn’t restricted to the ring. Should make for an interesting transition to phase Miz out of U.S. title contention and give Daniel Bryan Danielson a new rival to battle in John Morrison. In any case, Bryan retains here.
Pick: Daniel Bryan Danielson
Winner: Daniel Bryan Danielson (2-0)
Thoughts: Solid opening match-up. I also like the application of Danielson’s Cattle Mutilation move (and Striker calling it such) as well as Morrison’s crazy parkour shit. Nice stuff that didn’t put me to sleep – a good sign.
John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Additional stipulation for this match; A Cena victory would mean the disbanding of the Nexus while a Barrett victory would result in John Cena joining Nexus. Nothing WWE does at this point is going to incite any more interest in this Nexus angle. A Nexus-owned Cena might make for interesting television… but won’t make me give a damn about the angle, especially since it’s been killed way back at Summerslam. Besides, there’s no real way Cena is losing this one. Nexus deserves a good mercy-killing.
Pick: John Cena
Winner: John Ce– Wade Barrett?! WHAT THE FUCK? (2-1)
Thoughts: Yeah, the ads might have spoiled it, but they could have always changed it. In any case, Barrett got a strong win here and this just MIGHT – I say MIGHT – revive some interest in the Nexus angle now that Cena has been N-Listed to the group. As for the match itself? Your typical Cena match… nothing to really complain about. The crowd reaction in the aftermath, however… priceless.
Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus
Orton wins here. Nothing really more I can say on the matter. But despite the obvious end result, I think we might be surprised by the match itself. Aside from that… it’s two guys feuding over a title. A good-old-fashioned wrestling storyline. Can’t really complain.
Pick: Randy Orton
Winner: Randy Orton (3-1)
Thoughts: A pretty good match for the most part and it told a good story. Can’t complain.
Hell in a Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker
Yeah, I think it’s pretty academic as to who wins here.
Winner: Under– Kane?! WHAT THE… Oh wait. Now I remember. Paul Bearer is probably still upset about being buried in SEE-MENT back in 2004. Makes sense if they go with it. (3-2)
Thoughts: While I was aware of the SEE-MENT deal, I didn’t really think that WWE would play that card (not that they have – the Bearer turn could be used for anything else). But in any case, it’s the same Kane-Undertaker match that I’ve seen for years on end… except in Hell In A Cell. Two concepts that I would like to see retired on a permanent basis.
Final Thoughts: As a bonus, we got Edge vs. Jack Swagger in an impromptu match that was pretty decent (Edge won, by the way). Overall, the show had some good matches, but nothing really significant happened here. Cena joining Nexus? Okay, maybe that was pretty much a big deal… but other than that, all the champions retained their titles and there wasn’t any real surprises here. For the most part, if you didn’t catch the show last night, you really didn’t miss much. But it’s worth checking out once the DVD comes out because the show was actually solid and worth a look if you want a rare sampling of good WWE PPVs.